Ungrateful/Thank You.

..........I don’t know what my mother wanted from me. I’m alive. But even if i had come back to life with a cool 98.6 degree temperature, even if i had come back so normal that i learned how to swim and joined the rest of the water-worshipers, there was still my mother. There was still the look in her eyes, the silent questioning.

..........Maybe you should have taken her, Lord. Maybe i should have been alone. Maybe the pain the reminder of the pain that this child is maybe it is too great for me to bear, my Lord. I am sorry i pleaded for this. I should have left her in your hands where she belongs. You could still take her, the look said. In her presence, i suffer their loss over and over again. You could still take her. Or me.

..........I could see the look beyond oh thank god thank god thank god. To have a child spared is the greatest gift of all. I’ve lost nothing. I’ve lost nothing. And of course, a miracle, a miracle, a miracle. How could she despair when granted such a miracle, a child saved by the water we worshiped, sweet, purified, purifying water.

..........A miracle.

..........Will you learn how to swim now that the water has saved you? they wanted to know. I told them: the water didn’t save me. It took my brother and my sister. I could see beyond the faces of pity. Hear them thinking: ungrateful.

..........Do you feel sorry for me? Are you imagining me in my hospital bed, assaultedby rabidly curious reporters and arrogantly confused doctors? Are you thinking to yourself, “it’s not fair to judge someone like that. "It’s not your fault. ” You might be wasting your passion. Even so, thank you.